Common Application Prompt: Learning from Failure

This article originally appeared in the lifestyle section of GoLocalPDX.com on October 1, 2014.

The intention of this series is to show readers a sample of a good essay in response to each of the Common Application  prompts. This essay is an actual college admission essay, written and submitted by a real student. It is followed by comments from admissions professionals about what makes this personal statement effective.

Prompt: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you and what lessons did you learn?

Inhaling the fresh scent of new tennis balls and feeling the hard pavement beneath my shoes, I begin to warm up. Bending down, I touch the ground, and then twist side to side. I bounce around on my toes, preparing myself mentally. My opponent will be tough, but I can take him.

503-246-XXXX. I punch the stiff numbers furiously on the telephone, scanning the gridded page once more, hoping that I haven’t misdialed. I draw an invisible line to the corresponding column on the list and find the name associated with the number: Mr. and Mrs. Robertson. Time stands still, as the phone rings.

Before I know it, it’s game time. I’ve put in all the practice, now it’s just me and him. I walk to the baseline, stuffing one ball in my right pocket and holding the other. Putting my right foot out in front, I bounce the ball three times. I take a deep breath, and toss the ball in the air, quickly whipping my racket up to smack the serve.

“Yes, hello?” answers a person.

The match begins.

“Hi, this is Will with Future PAC, Oregon House Democrats. May I speak with Mr. Robertson?”

“Yes that is me, and please call me Harry,” responds the man quickly.

“Great!” I answer with a little too much enthusiasm. I hear chuckling on the other end.

I expected something aggressive, but was pleasantly surprised when he popped up a return with some backspin, landing short and inside the service line. I hit a defensive return and allow the rally to continue.

“On behalf of Future PAC, I’d like to inform you that Congressman Earl Blumenauer will be holding his annual backyard dinner next Saturday evening, and hopes that you will attend.”

I nail the first line perfectly, a clear ace. I pick the neon yellow excess ball fuzz from my strings.

“Honey, it’s a guy on the phone about Blumenauer’s thing next week. Are we going?”

I hear a shriek in the background. “Absolutely not! They’ve called almost everyday this week! I’ve already told them that we can’t make it. I can’t stand another one of those money-sucking political events!” That must be Mrs. Robertson.

“I’m sorry,” Mr. Robertson says. “We have a dinner that night that we, unfortunately, must attend.”

If my opponent’s lighthearted chuckling won the first point, then the loud background comment took the set. It’s only the beginning, and I’m down early. I strut back to the baseline, take a few deep breaths and bounce the ball three times. Loading up, I toss the ball and begin the next point.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” I answer. “Hopefully, we can get you to attend next year’s dinner.” I look back at my script for any last bit of information I can use. “Mr. Robertson, I’d also like to let you know about the Congressman’s recent work in federal farm policy, and its connection with next weekend’s dinner.”

 “…I’m sorry, but I’m actually late for a dinner now.” He hangs up the phone faster than I process his parting words.

Game, set, match. I lose. “You can’t always win,” I tell myself. And besides, I’m only a novice.

           

Undeterred by my loss, I pick up the phone and dial the next number.

I've gone on to raise over $97,000 for non-profit organizations.

Maybe I'll go pro. (Will R., Tufts University, Class of 2018)

Charlie’s feedback: Adroitly employed technique of parallel stories of overcoming failure, and being successful through perseverance and hard work. The structure of the story requires the reader to stay with the narrative as it builds—but it worked for me!

Andrea’s feedback: The writing itself is effective in that it goes back and forth, interspersing his competitive side with another activity that requires him to use some of the same skills: persistence, a positive outlook, and a willingness to do challenging things. The example of an unsuccessful solicitation attempt seems to me to be a pretty loose/light definition of failure, indicating to me that this is a student who doesn’t/hasn’t really experienced failure, but it functions well in the essay.

Jodi’s feedback: Wow! This student is really competitive, doesn’t give up or get easily discouraged, and is results-focused. I want him to work in the development office at my college and get alumni to donate.

                                                                       ###

Charles S. Nolan, Ph.D. is the Vice President and Dean of Admission at Olin College of Engineering. He previously served in similar roles at Boston College, Santa Clara University, and Washington University in St. Louis.

Andrea Hendrickson is Senior Assistant Dean of Admission at Reed College, and previously worked in admissions at Lawrence University.

Jodi Walder-Biesanz is the founder of Portland, Oregon-based College Admission Coach LLC which helps students identify and gain admission to right-fit schools where they will thrive academically and personally. Contact her at: jodi.walder@comcast.