The intention of this series is to show readers a sample of a good essay in response to each of the Common Application prompts.
This essay is an actual college admission essay, written and submitted by a real student. It is followed by comments from admissions professionals about what makes this personal statement effective.
Prompt: Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act? What did you learn?
“I’m very excited to introduce our newest piece to you,” our choir director, Mrs. Taylor, grins from ear to ear. “It’s a gospel piece named John the Revelator.” It’s my junior year, and the first time our new choir has tackled a gospel piece. As the song’s recording closes, Mrs. Taylor stresses that she’s looking for a soloist with “some real soul.” Seventy-four enthusiastic faces all turn to me.
“Could’ve called that one,” I say to myself. As the only African-American member of our choir, I inevitably would be looked to as the expert on gospel. “Rachel! Rachel! Rachel!” an obnoxious chant starts from the basses. Half the choir joins in. I should be flattered, right?
“You have to try out for that solo,” beams my friend Justin.
“I don’t have to do anything,” I shoot back.
In a split second I am deep in interior dialogue:
“This is a good thing. Sure, everyone expects me to take the solo, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want it.” I say to myself.
“But won’t that be perpetuating a stereotype? Just because it’s a gospel doesn’t mean it should be handed to me because of the color of my skin,” I argue back.
“What a great chance to stretch my vocal repertoire – and have fun besides,” I rationalize.
“I’m probably one of the least religiously devoted people in this choir. I’ve been to church several times with my father and I do enjoy gospel music but wouldn’t someone else who actually goes to church on a regular basis have a better connection to the spiritual elements of the piece?”
“Don’t be so analytical. I know that I do jazz well, gospel is similar. I could really shine.” This is tough.
Instead of playing the defense card, I decide to take this opportunity.
I’ve been handling stereotypes my whole life. From crump battles, to athletics, to braiding, to vocal ability – many people expect me to excel at these things. I accept that it’s usually ignorance, not maliciousness. I’ve learned that although stereotypes exist, it’s not my personal responsibility to prove them wrong or right.
People expected me to take the gospel solo because of my background. Even my director assumed that I had knowledge on a topic that is typically connected to my race when, in fact, that knowledge was minimal. I’m not just the black girl in the room—I, like everyone else, am a person. I have my strengths, I have my weaknesses, and I have my own experiences that I bring to the group. That’s what diversity is really about.
I took that solo because I could excel. Standing on the stage at the state competition I belt,
“Time for revelation.
And for jubilation.
Tell us what you’re writing.
Read it to us John!”
I feel proud that I add something to the performance that no one else can. I know that I am the black girl singing the gospel solo in an otherwise all-white choir. And that’s OK with me. (Rachel W, Occidental College, Class of 2015)
Charlie’s feedback: Excellent story of the author challenging herself to move beyond the perception of a stereotype, while taking on a role in which she can excel. Her struggle is well expressed.
Andrea’s feedback: One of the more challenging experiences students face is when they are expected to represent a group of people because they are the “only.” What impresses me about this young woman is that though she is aware of people’s expectations and assumptions, she is her own person, and if her choices happen to align with what people think, she is herself enough to own it. Music is a topic that students write about often, and I appreciate that it’s just the vehicle for what her essay is really about.
Jodi’s feedback: Wow! This student is really self-aware, thoughtful and mature. I think she will be reflective and challenge her peers to dig deep during class discussions, and I would like to have her as a roommate.
Charles S. Nolan, Ph.D. is the Vice President and Dean of Admission at Olin College of Engineering. He previously served in similar roles at Boston College, Santa Clara University, and Washington University in St. Louis.
Andrea Hendrickson is Senior Assistant Dean of Admission at Reed College, and previously worked in admissions atLawrence University.
No comments:
Post a Comment